Dericka Canada Cunningham, GBW Founder
June 10, 2024
This Week's Anchor
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3 (NIV)
Many of us have experienced a moment (or moments) in our lives where we found ourselves navigating spaces or relationships that should be uplifting but leave us feeling everything but empowered. It can be incredibly disappointing when we expect help but are left hurt. For some, this experience has, unfortunately, happened within the space intended to be our faith hospital—the church itself. Therefore, this week, I want to take a moment to acknowledge and speak to the individuals and communities of folks who have been disappointed, dismissed, invalidated and/or betrayed within establishments of faith.
The church is often regarded as a sacred place where the people of God dwell. A place where the sick can receive healing, the brokenhearted and grieving can be restored, and those struggling can be resourced. We are often invited to be our most vulnerable within the church walls and in spaces of collective praise, worship, and communion. In this space strong mothers weep, fearless fathers shout, and even the most composed are moved to tears. Concerns are laid on the altar, deep worries and fears are prayed for, and relational struggles are counseled. This vulnerability is what makes the church experience magic. When all is well, the more real and vulnerable one is, the greater the benefit. However, when all isn’t well, this depth of vulnerability can come with significant risk. When rejection, disappointment, judgment, violation, and/or betrayal enter this space of vulnerability, it can regrettably result in an overwhelming degree of pain and trauma.
There’s nothing like being hurt when you’re already raw from a lifetime of collective and accumulating pain, let alone when you’re vulnerable in a space where you expect safety. We usually brush it off (i.e., “It is what it is”, “that’s just life”, “being disappointed and hurt is a part of the deal”), nevertheless, some transgressions stay with us despite our best denial and compartmentalization, as evidenced by the countless individuals who share stories of deep hurt from their negative experiences within church communities.
This kind of hurt is often best healed with Divine encouragement and intervention, and our anchor scripture this week grounds us in this. Our scripture encourages us that even in moments when we feel hurt, we can find great comfort in our compassionate God to sustain us. It reminds us that in being comforted and encouraged, we are often empowered to comfort and encourage others. This has certainly been true for me. It was God’s unchanging grace-, compassion-, and peace-filled presence that sustained me through my own seasons of church-hurt and eventually led me to develop this devotional community with a heart for reaching those who have felt dismissed from or left out of the faith community. In each season I experienced this hurt, my relationship with the Holy Trinity grew stronger because the Source of my foundation became clearer. I learned powerful lessons in those chapters of my life—here are a few truths based on my experiences and those of others that we all can hold close to our hearts when we are navigating church-hurt:
Your feelings are valid—If no one else has validated how you feel, your GBW community is emphatically here with understanding hearts. Our feelings are truthful representations of our experiences, and despite our best efforts, we can’t control how we feel. While what we do with how we feel and how we behave/act/express ourselves in response to our feelings is within our control, our visceral emotional reactions are not. In fact, our feelings hold important information regarding how we have been impacted in the past and are being impacted in the present by others and our experiences. When we acknowledge what we feel and affirm that how we feel is valid and understandable considering our circumstances, we open the door for healing.
The people who hurt you are just as flawed and human as they judged and criticized you for. Let me say that again, the people who hurt you are just as flawed and human as they judged and criticized you for. Simply put, folks can be misguided. Even those with the best intentions can go about things in a hurtful and ineffective way. Many haven’t acknowledged their own mental/emotional/psychological experiences, and this can be projected and displaced onto the vulnerable in the faith community. Everyone has biases, blind spots, and areas of improvement. Unfortunately, some individuals (often the biggest culprits of hurting others) don’t realize this about themselves. We don’t need to excuse these individuals; however, understanding the backdrop of those who hurt you and seeing them through a particular lens can be another helpful component of your healing journey.
Your relationship with the Holy Trinity extends beyond the walls of the church—The church/faith community is certainly an important and necessary foundation of our faith, but it isn’t sufficient. Being in a difficult place with the church doesn’t have to translate to not being in relation with God. Though if you find it hard to be in relation with God, it’s understandable. He sees you. He understands, and I promise He’s waiting for you to return with open grace-filled arms.
There is healing for your hurt—Our God is a God of restoration. None of us are the first or last person to be hurt, and although each of us is unique in how we experience what we encounter, others understand and know our pain. Thankfully, we can still find community in faith even if we are in a difficult place with the faith community. We can find healing in connecting with others who understand and see us and our experiences, and in the spirit of our anchor scripture, we might even feel empowered to empower others.
Whether you’ve experienced church-hurt yourself, encountered similar hurt in other vulnerable places/spaces in your life, have unintentionally hurt others, or are a person who desires to help others who’ve been hurt, we all can be encouraged and inspired by God’s compassion for us both individually and collectively. God’s powerful healing supersedes any attack from the enemy, including those enacted in sacredly vulnerable spaces. For every tear, there’s God’s unshakable Truth. For any pain, there’s God’s all-surpassing peace. For each concern, there’s God’s unshakable confidence. For every rejection, there’s God’s redemptive rebound. For each trauma, there’s God’s beautiful transformation. And for every hurt, there’s God’s purposeful healing. May God’s ever-flowing grace and compassion cover each of us as we enter this week!
Reflection
What is resonating for you about this scripture and/or this devotion?
Have you experienced hurt like that described in today’s devotion? If so, what did you receive (if in the past)/what do you need (if in the present) from the Holy Trinity to help you navigate it? If not, how can you help others who have?
What intention(s) do you want to set to connect and/or reconnect with being grounded this week?
Related Scriptures to Ground You Through this Week
Psalm 27:13-14
Isaiah 41:10-13
John 16:31-33
Romans 8:28-38
Philippians 4:6-7
Hebrews 13:5b-6
My Through-the-Week Reflection Guide
A Song of Inspiration
Quote of Love & Liberation
“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”
Audre Lorde
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