Dericka Canada Cunningham, GBW Founder
June 6, 2022
This Week's Anchor
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
You probably read the title of this devotion and thought “I don’t think that’s how you spell ‘enemies’”. Well, you’re right; however, this wording is certainly intentional. I recently heard a sermon by Pastor Dharius Daniels that inspired this week’s devotion topic. In this sermon, Pastor Daniels referenced several ways we unintentionally block life’s blessings—including our tendency to focus on the negative, the ways our thoughts can often be incredibly self-critical, and the hurtful assumptions we hold regarding how others view us. The sentiments that Pastor Daniels shared in this sermon are reminiscent of a memorable lyric shared by rapper and producer Lupe Fiasco, “my greatest enemy, is my inner me”.
While a lot of focus in our faith community is often given to the external enemies and principalities we face, sometimes it’s our own inner selves that drive our biggest life challenges. Many of us struggle to navigate our own worries, anxieties, and negative self-talk to the extent that we lose sight of the powerful message shared in this week’s anchor scripture—that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. These two verses remind us that God created our inmost being. Before we ever entered this world, God had His hands working in our tiny lives. This might be somewhat of a reach, but I’ll take a leap on this one: If we are fearfully and wonderfully made, when we criticize ourselves in some way, we are criticizing God’s work. God didn’t make any mistakes when He created us. We are not only reminded of this countless times in the Word, but we are consistently called to reverence His indescribable love, grace, and compassion toward us. If God loves us for who we are, why is it so hard for us to love us for who we are? In a previous GBW devotion, we talk more about some of the barriers to self-love and self-care. In this devotion, we want to offer additional approaches to navigating self-criticism and cultivating self-compassion. So, how can we begin the journey of adjusting our relationship with ourselves?
Conquering Our Critical Inner-Me & Cultivating Our Compassionate Inner-Friend
Set an intention to be more aware of how you think about and treat yourself—Some of us aren’t even aware of our negative self-talk and the harmful ways we think about ourselves. Before changing the process of how we think and feel, it’s important to become more aware of our actual thoughts and feelings—including those we are aware of and those that are more deeply embedded. It can take time to understand how we think and feel, and more importantly, the why beneath our thoughts and feelings. However, with thoughtful reflection (and sometimes a good counselor/therapist/mentor/coach), we can gain the necessary self-awareness regarding our thought/feeling patterns and habits.
Slow down your thought process—For many of us, our thoughts can feel like raging waters and/or a runaway train. Because of this, it can be helpful to slow our thoughts down so that 1) we can be more mindful of our thought process, 2) we can name and be clearer regarding what aspects of our thought process could use some changing, and 3) we can give ourselves opportunities to adjust how we think. [For more tips on slowing down your thought process follow this link]
Discover alternative ways to reframe your thought process—By becoming more aware of our thoughts and slowing down our thought/feeling process, we give ourselves more room to respond vs. react to ourselves when distressing thoughts and feelings emerge. This allows us to make informed decisions about the impact that our thoughts and feelings have on us, our relationships, and our lives, as well as what thoughts need adjusting. Here are some examples of ways we can reframe some of our negative thoughts:
What We Often Think/Say | A Truer and More Compassionate Approach |
“Why can’t I just figure this out?” | “This is challenging for me and that’s okay—it’s a process. Is there anything or anyone that might help me through this?” |
“I’m so dumb/stupid.” | “I’m not perfect and mistakes are inevitable. Let me retreat, regroup, and reapproach this situation.” |
“Everybody hates me” | “There are many people in my life who have demonstrated their love for me in their own way. However, it’s hard not knowing how certain individuals truly think and feel about me. What do I need in this moment to help me tolerate the anxiety of this reality?” |
“I can’t do this.” | “I might need help with this.” |
“I’ll never get through this.” | “Getting through this is going to take some time. I believe that with a little help and care, I can sustain through it.” |
“Ugh, why do I feel like this?” | “I feel _____ (more specifically naming how you feel, e.g., anxious, sad, angry, overwhelmed, invalidated, unsupported, lonely, isolated, exhausted, etc.). I wonder what is going on that is leading me to feel this way. How can I help myself with feeling ____ in this moment.” |
“I hate [this quality] about myself.” | “It can be challenging to be ___, but I’m learning how to live with and at times celebrate this quality about myself. I also celebrate my other amazing qualities—helpful or more challenging, they collectively make me who I am.” |
“Why is it so hard to change [this behavior]?” | “I’ve changed. I’m changing. And I will continue to change. Recognizing how I’ve already changed can empower me to continue evolving when it comes to [this behavior].” |
[insert your own thoughts] | [insert your own alternative approaches] |
Many of us know exactly what to say and how to show up for others. In fact, when it comes to uplifting others, we uphold a gold standard of support and care. However, we often have a difficult time channeling this same love toward ourselves. At the end of each day, it’s our inner world that we are left inside as we rest at night. That world doesn’t have to be dark, isolating, and desolate. Instead, it can be a place of warmth, compassion, and love. Let us enter this week making a commitment to treating ourselves with the same tenderness and compassion that we freely give to others—transforming our “inner-me” from enemy to a beloved friend!
Reflection
What is resonating for you about this scripture and/or this devotion?
What negative thoughts of your own do you want to adjust?
What do you need from the Holy Trinity to help you develop a better relationship with yourself?
What intention(s) do you want to set to connect and/or reconnect with being grounded this week?
Related Scriptures to Ground You Through this Week
Deuteronomy 31:7-8
Zephaniah 3:16-17
Romans 5:6-11
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Ephesians 1:3-14
1 John 3:1
My Through-the-Week Reflection Guide
A Song of Inspiration
Quote of Love & Liberation
“Freeing yourself was one thing;
claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”
Toni Morrison
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